Lola
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: ONE-SHOT!  Girls will be boys and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world... Except for Lola.


_**Authoress' Notes**__**:**__ Okay, if you've learned anything from me, it's not to take stories like this seriously, and if you do, you're a freaking idiot. This is a one-shot based off a song I recently heard that I thought was too cute. It's called "Lola" by The Kinks; look it up, s'funny. If you don't think this is a masterpiece, fine; it's not supposed to be. If you do think this is a masterpiece, then I suggest you get your head checked. All that aside, enjoy and be open-minded!_

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><p>Third year already. Never thought this thing would go so far.<p>

Ness grudgingly sipped a glass of cherry cola. Awful stuff, but it was the only drink they had that wasn't either spiked or would cause terrible diarrhea. He glared across at a table containing a punch bowl full of Urchins. This was a prime example of a spiked drink. Very funny, guys.

They were currently having some sort of greeting... dance party thing to get everyone acquainted, which made no sense, as the whole day was spent doing just that. This was probably just an excuse to play loud music and flash strobe lights.

Regardless of what this charade was, Ness knew he was one thing; bored. He'd seen everything there was to see and met everyone there was to meet. Going to bed was always an option, but he'd be labeled as a party pooper and first impressions were important. ...Or third impressions, whatever.

Suddenly, a tap on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. He prepared for some mindless idle chit-chat when he was instead met with someone he'd never seen before. The kid seemed to be about his age, with the almost exact same fashion sense. This was evident in the red-and-yellow striped shirt, as well as the same brand jean shorts. But what caught Ness' attention the most was the sweet cowlick being sported. On top of that, it was blonde and really well-groomed; a real eye-catcher. He found it odd he hadn't seen it at the opening ceremonies...

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," he responded.

"Um..." Obviously shy, she twisted her shoes on the floor, hunching her shoulders timidly. "...My favorite song just came on. Want to dance?"

The request seemed innocent enough, but awfully sudden. Intrigued, he answered with a sudden action of his own. "...What's your name?"

She meekly answered, gaze slightly averted. Unfortunately, the quietness of her voice combined with the loudness of the music obscured her response. Ness frowned.

He put a hand to his ear. "What?"

She repeated herself, not sounding a decibel louder. He turned his mouth up. Well, wasn't that nice...

He was pretty good at reading lips, and it looked like she'd said, "Lola". She puckered her lips and lifted her tongue, then opened her mouth in pronunciation, so it sounded about right.

Hand still to his ear, he raised an eyebrow in uncertainty. "Lola?"

She probably couldn't hear him too well either, due to the sudden bass of the music, but she smiled and nodded. If first impressions were really everything, this girl wasn't doing a good job so far... but there was something about her he found, dare he say, charming? He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but she had a quirky, cute air about her. It was eccentric, yes, but sweetly... entrancing as well. Plus, she was a Newcomer; a greenhorn, and probably the nicest one he'd met so far.

The formalities out of the way, she briskly hooked her arm around his and happily toted him out on the apparent dance floor. All this without wanting to know _his_ name...?

Ness was a terrible dancer, this was no lie, but Lola had to've at least been almost as bad... Right?

Well, he was half-right; Lola honestly didn't have a rhythmic bone in her body. She danced like a schizophrenic scarecrow. To be honest, there were weirder people doing weirder dance moves, so it wasn't exactly a spectacle of awfulness or anything. He wasn't doing much better in trying to match some her spasms, but whatever.

"Oops!"

A clumsy Fox tripped and bumped into Lola, causing her to fling herself onto Ness and latched onto his waist. This was a sweet endeavor and all... until she clamped onto him so hard, he swore he felt his spine buckle.

"H-hey!" he gasped.

"Oh, sorry..." She let go, blushing. "Don't know my own strength, heh heh..."

Hmm, she was pretty strong for a girl. Not _much_ stronger, but still... Then again, she was in a tourney where the ratio of guys outnumbered the girls about 1 to 7. She had to've had some muscle to get in.

"Y'know what?" he concluded. "Maybe we should go sit back down. Too many weirdoes out here..."

She nodded, humbled from her mishap. "Yeah, okay. You're probably right."

Ness returned to his seat, Lola following, but was stopped by Bowser occupying the chair next to him. Timidly, the blonde tried to get his attention, but he was too engrossed in making inappropriate gestures at Peach across the room.

Ness was about to question her hesitation when he saw the problem herself. Not expecting her to be moving him anytime soon, he simply smacked the Koopa King outta his chair with a whip of his bat. As he came to, snarling at him for answers, he simply pointed at a hapless Luigi, a table away. Watching him tromp off to beat the snot outta him, Ness dusted off the seat, allowing Lola to sit.

"Phew, thank you. That guy looked really scary..." She trembled.

"Sure, no problem," he replied, ever-so-slyly. He slurped on his stupid cherry cola, noticing Lola looked a little parched herself. "Wanna drink or something?"

"Oh, yes," she replied. "I wanted some punch, but there's something floating in it..."

"Nah, don't bother." He scooted the drink over. "This stuff isn't much better, but maybe we can... share?"

Her eyes seemed to sparkle. "Wow, thank you...! You're probably the nicest person I've met so far."

He smiled. "Yeah, go on and have a sip. I got the biggest mug, so I don't think I'll be finishing it anytime soon."

It was a great feeling to watch Lola perk up from a simple act of kindness. Then again, he couldn't help it; maybe he just liked standing up for her, maybe he figured karma would deal him a good hand for this, or maybe—just maybe—he was a little smitten with her.

Lola noticed a small container of straws and napkins in the middle of the table, reaching over to get one. Of course, she ended up accidentally tipping the whole thing over, scattering straws across the table.

"Awwwwwww... fiddlesticks." She pouted.

That was so cute; she couldn't even cuss.

"Lemme get that," Ness offered, trying not to laugh.

A little skittish about reaching over in front of a girl, he causally averted his eyes as his hands pat around for the exact location of the straws. Lola grinned, oblivious of his predicament. She was so unaware and naive; it was sinful in the sweetest way.

Unfortunately, Ness had no sense of balance and ended up inching a bit too far over, slipping out of his seat and into Lola's lap. Immediately, he freaked.

"...! That... That was an accident... Really." Well, that certainly gave him away, despite it being the truth. He fumbled, looking on in horror. "Uh..."

Her smile didn't falter. "Oh, that's okay. No harm, no foul."

Ooh, great. She was one of those forgiving types. He chuckled uneasily. "Uh... Guess I should be getting up then..."

Now how exactly was he gonna go about doing that…? His neck rested on a leg, chest in her lap while his arms were in disarray of where exactly to grab in order to hoist himself up. He was too proud to ask for help from Lola, so he had no choice but to use her as support.

Carefully, easily, he positioned one hand on a leg, the other adjacent to his face, and slowly pushed himself up. He met Lola with a cheesy grin, who returned a shy smirk. Still moving cautiously, he eased himself up and away from her crotch. He was almost in the clear when one of his palms slipped off the girl's leg and landed straight in her crotch.

Of all the—! Now how the hell was he gonna explain this?

But that became the least of his worries when noticed how... weird her nether regions felt. He was no gynecologist, but something was definitely fishy about what exactly he'd landed on. It felt kinda... full and fleshy; somewhat firm, but not really. Out of morbid curiosity, he skittishly massaged his palm into it, feigning regaining his balance. That confirmed it.

...Ness was no boy genius, but if there was one thing he knew, it was that people like Lola weren't supposed to have things like this. He stared stupid for a moment.

...

...

...

"A-AH!"

A pair of fear-driven wrists was thrust into Lola, shoving the hapless blonde over in a startling display of shock and disgust. It would've been funny had it not've been so sad... He looked down at his apparently unclean hands, contemplating removing them in matters most unpleasant.

He had to get outta here.

He had to get away.

Away from her...

...Away from... _**him**_!

Flabbergasted, Ness staggered toward the double doors that would lead him outside the lunchroom, down the hallway, and back to his comfy, cozy dorm. Back to reality, back to common sense, back to...

His legs, finally catching up to his realization, turned to jelly halfway to the exit, causing his knees to buck and give way beneath him. Like a demolished building, he crumbled to the floor, face still a mix of horror and confusion.

The little of his rationality left stopped him from a possibly fatal meeting of his head and the floor. A trembling, outstretched hand caught the ground beneath him, leaving him to stumble over in a quite an ungraceful fashion and to his knees. His mind begged the answer to a thousand questions, with a subtle hint of betrayal behind his eyes.

The dizzying connection to the floor forced him to jerk his head back up and around in a daze. Aghast, his gaze fell on her. Much to his dismay, she was the first thing he was able to comprehend. In return, she looked equally surprised, but more worried than appalled.

...

Getting himself together, he noticed things'd become somewhat awkward. He said "somewhat" because, due to such horrific events taking place, it seemed to fail in catching much attention. This left him on his hands and knees on the floor like he was ready to hurl. And all things considered, he probably was...

If he'd been asked to give an overview on what just happened, he'd go mad in doing so. What just transpired began to make him wonder about things he was probably was too young to think about. His mind was now a swirling torrent of "What?", "How?", and "Who?"... All aimed at this 'girl'?

"Lola" saw he wasn't going to be coming to his senses anytime soon, so she decided to walk over. Albeit puzzled, she approached and reluctantly outstretched a hand. Suddenly disregarding a moment ago, Ness found himself equally reluctant as he reached out to grab it. She pulled him back up to her level, holding him close and smiling uneasily.

"What's the matter? You look a little pale..."

"...You're a boy," he hoarsely whispered, like it was a crime.

"...What?"

"_You're a boy!"_ He pulled away, aghast and pointing. "A guy! A dude! A... _man_! Like me!"

"Well..." She shrugged. "Yes?"

"_I thought you were a girl, man!"_

Now it was "Lola's" turn to be shocked. "Wh—what? I never said that!"

"You said your name was Lola!"

She looked at him blankly. "...Lucas."

He returned the blank stare. "...What?"

"Earlier, I said my name was Lucas. Not Lola..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

She blushed. "You... honestly thought I was a girl?"

"..." Ness wasn't sure whether to nod or lie and say it was a joke.

"Why, if that isn't the craziest thing I've ever heard," she giggled, creeping close. "Aren't you psychic?"

He backed up. "Yes...?"

"I am too, and I sensed it strongly from you, so I was kind of attracted. I didn't mean to be so straightforward if I was." She outstretched a hand. "Here, let's start over. Hi, my name's _Lucas_."

"...I'm Ness," he answered, giving a limp handshake.

"There!" She grinned. "All fixed."

No, it was not "all fixed", but this was as close as it was gonna get.

"..." The blonde regarded him for a moment. "So then... you still like me, right?"

"...Yes."

"Can we still be friends?"

"Don't see why not." Actually, that was a lie, but he was too softhearted to be honest.

That answer brought a wide, childish grin from Lucas as she happily and tightly embraced Ness. Disgusted, he groaned a little at first, but... well... it wasn't all _that_ bad. Lucas here was just... clingy. No harm in that. Not sure if this'd be a good idea or not, Ness cringed and awkwardly pat her head. Heh, it was really warm and fluffy...

Suddenly feeling eyes on him, Ness looked up to see Marth as an interested passerby. Scaring him off with a scowl, he gently pried Lucas off. "...Let's keep that to a minimum, all right?"

"Okay," chirped the blonde.

...It was then Ness decided the circumstances had gotten weird enough. He decided to leave things still awkward and friendly while he had the chance. Mind made up, he faced the door.

"Listen... It's been a long day and the fights start early tomorrow, so I'm heading to my room for the night. I'll be seeing you... whenever, I guess..."

Lucas followed. "...Can I come with you?"

He sighed, met with the kid's affectionate stare. Why couldn't he deny her? Or him? Or it—whatever the hell he was!

"Fine, come if you want... Just try not and get lost or something..."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up. "Thanks so much! This really means a lot to me! You're so nice..."

"Yeah, sure, whatever..." He got up to leave without another word, Lucas scampering up behind him.

"Hey," She tugged on his sleeve, "when we get back to your room, want to see my Rope Snake? He lives in my pants, so he's pretty lonely. He's nice and long and pink, though."

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><p><em><strong>Authoress' Notes<strong>__**:**__ Before you say anything,__ this is NOT an anti-NessxLucas fic; Ness just has to get used to his little aficionada first. __Call __**"HSSS"**__ an unofficial prequel if you want._


End file.
